God Knows

It’s hard to get past things we regret, shame in choices we’ve made, or the depths of pain we feel for things invoked on us by others over the years. I struggle with my own torn thoughts of shame all the time and wonder, “How could God make something new out of something so broken?” “How can He continue to love me and pursue me despite my faults and failures?” As I thought about some of the thoughts and deep desires I’ve given into time and time again over the span of my life, I was reminded of the fact that God knows.

All my life I heard the words of my parents or pastors or Sunday school teachers or anyone else who has shared God’s truth that God knows. Psalm 139 is a pointed picture of God’s knowing–He knows when I stand up and sit down. He knows the words that will be in my mouth before I say them. There is nowhere I can go and get away from His presence. If I go down to the depths of the darkest hell or climb to the heights of the highest mountain, he sees me there. This passage was meant to be encouraging and not a creepy likeness to Santa claus who knows when you are sleeping, knows when you’re awake, knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! Even though these things ring true for how the psalmist described God in the passage, God wanted his people to know and find comfort in the fact that He is always with us and there is nowhere we can go where He won’t find us and He knows us on a personal and intimate level. He knows every intricate part of our hearts and our lives. He knows the number of hairs on our heads and knows the name of every star in the sky. He tells us these things to show that we matter to him and that his care and love for us is so infinitely beyond anything we can see or comprehend from a human perspective.

Psalm 139 has always been one of my favorite passages in Scripture and I love how it shows God’s knowledge of us. But, the idea of God knowing came to a different light recently. I had felt trapped and pushed to a point of giving in yet again to one of my age old struggles, and almost did give in–almost meaning one foot off the cliff ready to plunge in and wondering if anyone was going to pull me back. Later, after I had practically committed to the fall and had to pulled out instead of back, I thought about that moment and how many times I had fallen into that sin or given into that part of my life for so long. I wondered about God’s love and how He could continue to love me or forgive me, even when I go back to it time and time again. In His quiet, gentle manner, God whispered, “I already knew you would give into that temptation before you did it. I knew that would be a struggle and thorn in your flesh long before the world was made. I know.” I sat there for a moment, quietly reflecting on this statement and thoughts if other fallen heroes of faith came to mind.

“I knew that Moses would get angry and murder an Egyptian before it was even an idea in his head. I knew he would later get angry and strike the rock and he wouldn’t enter the promised land.”

“I knew David would choose to stay home instead of going into battle and what temptations lied in store in the form of Bathsheba. I knew he would give into those temptations and get her pregnant. I knew the idea of having her husband killed to cover up his indiscretion would be planted in his mind and carried out in the cover of battle. “

“But– I still loved them. Not because I knew what other choices they would make as well. Moses repented and finally gave his heart to me and kept coming back to me every time pharaoh and my people rejected him, and it was that continuous returning that made him a hero of faith. I knew David would be heartbroken by his actions and decisions and that some of the greatest Psalms would be born out his brokenness and hardships in life.”

“I knew the outcome of the stories and I knew every time my child was going to turn from me. I knew every time my beloved would seek fulfillment in the arms of another lover. I knew before those things happened if and when my child and my beloved would return to me. But, that knowledge did not keep me from loving them, and it hasn’t kept Me from loving you. In fact, I love you all the more for the broken moments and regretted choices. I love you even when you hate me and fight against that love because I know that love is the only thing powerful enough to change you and change the world. Once you get that love, you can then turn and love others, just as I have loved you. “

Wow. God knew everything I would ever do. Every moment I would be tempted or give in willingly. He knew every part of my temperament that would hurt others or cut people off from me. He knew every heartache, every pain, every sickness, every hardship–everything I would face or experience on this earth before it happened or will happen. He doesn’t just know the experience or circumstance you are in in the moment or what has happened in your past. He knows the beyond what’s happening. He knows whether you will turn back to Him. He knows when you will choose to live your life the way you want instead of living your life for Him. He knows when children won’t ever come back to Him, and that knowledge breaks His heart beyond any pain or sorrow we can ever imagine. But, He also knows when His beloved child will come home or when His beloved will be brought back out of the depths, relationships restored, lives changed.

The knowledge of God is so far beyond anything we will ever know or comprehend. But isn’t that knowledge incredible to think about? He desired to have you on this earth and decided His story would not be complete without you, so He carefully crafted you and created you in the secret place of your mother’s womb and knows every jot and tittle of your life. There will be moments of your life that are messy and broken and filled with shame or regret, but those moments are part of the story God already knew about you and they are part of what makes you and your story you. Without those moments, your story would not be your story. And, those are the parts of your story that God will use to make the biggest impact in the lives of others and show the greatness of His goodness and love in your life.

As you start a new year, I pray you find healing and comfort for the parts of you or your past that haunt you or feel too broken or messed up. And, I pray you find comfort in the God who knows and created you and loves you just the way you are and has a beautiful story to tell with your life if you let Him.

You are wonderfully made. Set apart. Worthy. Made new. Seen. Loved. Forgiven. Never forgotten. Chosen.

Believe in these promises and let the God who knows reach into your heart and show you His love.