Lost in a Fog

It has been many months since I have written. In fact, I have barely written much of anything since I don’t know when. My mind has been a fog and my body like a main character on the Walking Dead. Life and images swim around me while I try to see my way through the fog. At times I feel lost somewhere deep in the woods. No one can find me and nothing can reach me. It’s like my life has gone so far from the path, it doesn’t even remember what sun or rain or oceans or mountains are like anymore. Do those things still exist? I don’t know. I get glimpses of memories from time to time and find myself among things that seem familiar but are still too distant to distinguish.

Fantasy mixes with reality. The lines and images that once seemed so sure blur and bleed into each other, making it hard to see the real picture. Thoughts sneak in once in a while that remind me I am human. I am breathing. I still have a life to live. But as quickly as they came, they fade away and fall into the memories of the past, or present, or is it the future? I keep thinking of this God that once was so real to me. The light of His love occasionally breaks through but I often confuse it with the sunlight streaming through the trees of my mind.

Cold and distant yet somehow my mind knows He has always been there. He never left you. He has been with you through every step of this journey. You simply have to call out to Him and let Him make Himself known to you. He formed you. He created you. He has a great a awesome plan for your life. And so you do, and the memory of Him disappears into the fog once again. And you’re left feeling lost and alone. Wandering. Searching. Wishing.

No matter how far you wander, your heart keeps telling you to keep on believing. Find that spark of hope. Let your dreams light the way. It keeps fighting to break through the fog and tells you to hold on to the golden cord of truth that keeps the core of your heart in tact. It’s the one solid thing that has remained unshakeable despite all the doubts and fears and attempts to distract you from it’s strength in your life.

But the clouds start to swirl and you wonder if Satan really has a fighting chance this time. He fills you with darkness and tries to wash out the picture of Christ in you. He taunts at your beauty and pulls you away saying, “You’re not really His.” “He’s not really here.” “He will never come to rescue you.”

Your mind plays with your heart and teaches it to give into the world and forget about Your Lord. Decisions you make aren’t really valid and God isn’t really leading you anywhere. Your soul is just forever lost in a shrouded wood. Left to wander and aimlessly try to remember the life you once had, or might have, or–what was the question again?

My mind wearies from trying so hard to find the light and find my way back to the reality I once knew. It makes it difficult to stay awake and keep searching and looking for the right path. I give into the sleep and forget to pray or let the words get jumbled in my brain so I can’t finish complete sentences before my mind drifts off…. to…. another…. thought.

I need to find my drive again. I need to keep pressing to break free of the fog I’ve trapped myself in. Everything is a trick of the mind and is only as powerful as the thoughts that feed it. Dawn can break through again if I let it. I have to keep trying. I can’t give up. I have to keep trusting. Keep going. I have to keep believing. You can do this. I have to keep dreaming. You’ve got something more powerful inside.

Your dreams are going to lead you home.


Diamond Warriors

God is raising up a generation of diamond warriors. He is crowning His army with beauty and grace and reminding the world of a beauty that was once perfect and completely unflawed. Just Like Esther who underwent beauty treatments for a year, using numerous oils and perfumes and spices for women, pleased the king and saved her people by being put into the palace as queen “for such a time as this,” God is raising up His daughters and enhancing their beauty with the perfume of His words and the oils of His mouth. 

Don’t fight the world with swords of anger and shields of fear. Rise up, daughter of God and fight with diamonds and with crowns. God has made you beautiful and will use your beauty to overcome the darkness of this world. He has gifted you with words of sweet perfume and robes of kindness. Your crowns of love are His glory and your sashes of mercy are His blankets of honey that bring comfort to the weak, the weary, the lost.

Rise up, daughter of the King and take up your crown. Live beautifully and love deeply, for the glory of God is within you and is longing to reach out to a dying world. 

Rise up and be the diamond warrior you were created to be.

My Young Living Journey and other thoughts

So, a couple things I wanted to share. This week has been interesting to say the least, getting my oils, trying them, trying to acclamate myself to the business side if it and start learning the many oils, and all that jazz. Truth be told the few oils I’ve been trying have been helping with pain and relaxation and it has been exciting to see little glimpses of how these oils can start me down a path to a healthier life. But, I have definitely got caught up in the “gotta get this done and have it work now” mindset. Having an oils class this week I have definitely felt pressured to invite people and fell into the trap of worrying, “what if people don’t come” or “what if no one signs up”, on and on and on. Monday and Tuesday, I was all gun ho about sharing how amazing these oils are and why you need them in your life. Then yesterday, the infamous hump day, I was just emotionally off. I wanted to cry all day, I wanted to sleep, I didn’t want to put an effort into this business because I felt, “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. This is a big step and will take a lot of work, and I don’t know if it will work out like I hoped”

My thoughts were focused on things other than this business too, like how things weren’t happening in my timing or the way I wanted them to and different things are going on in friends lives that has my mind and emotions occupied. I was just off. No song could help. I couldn’t think of verses or books to help. But, God, in the way only He can, kept putting Psalm 42:11 on the radio. Seriously, over and over in the span of 10 minutes driving from work to my chiropractor, I heard that verse at least 3 or 4 times. “Why are you cast down, oh my soul? And why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”

Definitely one of those, “OK, God, I get it,” moments. But it turned my thinking around. I realized, I started this journey for a reason. God slipped this little nugget of young living essential oils into my life for a reason. I signed up because I felt inspired to see these oils work in my life and I wanted to help others find a way to better health and vibrant living. I believe these oils can make a change in my life. I realized, I don’t have to worry about roping people into it and trying to make a sale. God will bring the right people along for me to share these oils with when they need it most, just like he brought me to this place at this time. I can rest in the fact that He will provide. Granted, that doesn’t give me an easy out to sit back and let Him do all the work. Just like bringing people to Christ, we have to make a visible effort to reach out to people and talk to people about it. But we can have peace knowing that God does, and will, bring the right people into our lives at the right time. He can take our situations and work things out in ways beyond what we ever imagined if we trust Him and prepare ourselves to seize the opportunities He brings our way. I pray God will guide and direct in this journey and that He will give me the patience to wait and study when I need to and the push to take action when opportunities come along.

If you want to learn more about essential oils and the amazing impact they can have on your life, or if you want to learn more about the greatest influence in my life, my Lord and Savior, and how He can change your life, I’m always ready and willing to share and answer any questions you have! Blessings on your journey to wellness and a better life!

The Cry of a Silent Warrior

Do you struggle with a hidden illness or a variety of medical issues that the doctors can’t seem to find a solution for? I know for me, this has been a battle I have fought and faced for many years. And I know many who have struggled or are struggling with various things. Some have struggled with mysterious, disconnected symptoms and varying degrees of pain or sickness for years, and others have had things develop over a short period of time.

It is definitely disheartening to be fighting a battle that has no name. To go to bed every night hoping by some miracle the pain will be gone in the morning. And then to wake up realizing the pain is still there or somehow worse than the night before and knowing you have been called to step out once again into the battle lines and fight.Fight and carry on with life like it’s normal, going to work, taking your kids to school–or taking care of them at home when they’re younger–cleaning the house, and doing all the duties you are called and expected to do. You call out to God asking Him to take this illness from you or to please show the doctors what is wrong with you for once so you can finally have some answers or a direction to go so you can maybe have a chance at being better and feeling good for the first time in your life, or for the first time in a long time. You cry out and wonder “Why me,God? Why do I have to struggle and fight so hard just to get through each day?” You fall down in defeat wondering how you can carry on. and the thought of learning to live with this for the rest of your life overwhelms you and you feel like you just can’t do this anymore. 

Then there are days when you literally can’t carry on. You are calling into work yet again because your body is in too much pain or too tired or reacting poorly to whatever new treatment the doctors are trying. You’re housebound and sometimes bed bound and feel depressed because you can’t join in the life that is moving on around you. You feel like a failure because you can’t provide for your family or take care of them the way you want or feel you need to. And your loved ones and closest friends struggle to find their own strength to help you carry on and keep pushing through this. 

It is easy to feel defeated or just too beat to keep fighting in times like these. I know from personal experience you grow tired of always having to explain what’s going on in your life or trying to help people understand what you are going through. You call upon God and His strength and know that sometimes all you can do is trust in Him to get you through this day. Even just the next five minutes. You keep trying to put on a good face and keep your testimony strong for Christ’s sake.

It is hard to keep fighting such a difficult battle, especially when the battle runs deeper than anyone can see or seems completely invisible to the world around us. It’s easy to find the strength of God in this sometimes, because you do feel Him there and you know that the only way you got through this day was because of Him. But, I’ll be honest, there are plenty of crappy days when I don’t feel like praising God for this or feel like He has His hand and goodness in it. But, God has got this, just like He’s got everything else going on in my life. He knows exactly what is going on in my life, even when the doctors and endless medical tests declare you a mystery to them and can offer you no help or answers. 

Two of my favorite passages in the Bible are 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 and Psalm 139. They have been a source of strength and encouragement in my life many times over in different circumstances in my life. When I’m feeling weak, I’m reminded that God’s strength is so much greater than mine. The verses in 2 Corinthians are verses I cling to when I feel weak and tired and I pray often that it is God’s strength that can be seen in me when I’m too weak to carry on on my own. The second passage has been especially poignant for me this week as I have struggled to accept the prognosis of my recent doctors appointments, mainly because it reminds me of the intricate and intimate hand God had in creating me. 

God formed your inward parts and saw you when you when you were being formed in a secret place. He knit you together in your mother’s womb and knew each day that He had planned for you before you were even a thought in your parent’s minds. He knew the journey you would go on and the battles you would face. And He knew you could handle it and that you would make it through. That’s why He called you into this special service. 

You are God’s special warrior. You have been crafted with a special strength that others will never experience. You have been called to fight a battle that will deepen your soul and your reliance on God in ways others will never be able to. Don’t worry about the days you fall short or take a lapse in your fervent strength. Those days do and will come but God is beside you every single moment and will wait for you to reach out to Him when you’re ready to keep fighting on. 

You may fight and some days may fail, but the strength you put on in the warpaint on your face is the strength of a God who will always prevail. You are stronger than you can imagine and you are the special warrior of God. Let Him show the world how beautiful and how strong you are. And on days you can’t keep fighting, let yourself find rest in the strength of God and know He will carry you until you are ready to stand again. 

A Word to the Masses

Tell me. What were you marching for? What reasons united you in this frivolous display of femininity? What were you expecting to achieve by your actions?

I cannot say I am proud of the female sex after yesterday’s embarrassing display of… what, exactly? I am still puzzled as to the reasons behind the march. Because another man was elected our president? Is that the real reason? You’ve achieved the right to vote, the right to equality with men, the ability to work with and even above men in some cases. You have every right a man has and in some cases more rights than a man, yet you fell short at the voting polls in achieving the right to rule a nation by the hands of your first lady president. If that’s the issue, you should have used your voices to elect her as president to begin with and not let that opportunity slip through the cracks.

We live in a democratic nation, which gives each and every one of us the opportunity to vote for the leader of our country. Not be submitted to the rule of a familial hierarchy or fall under whoever shed the most blood to get to the throne of higher power. We are blessed to be in such a nation, but it seems we’ve been given too many freedoms to be a rational people anymore. The liberal freedoms our founding fathers fought so hard to achieve and our friends and family in the armed forces have fought so hard to defend have made us a spoiled rotten child of a nation. Everyone has become self-entitled and feels the world should cater to them. We’ve become obese off of our first-world problems and throw a tantrum when things aren’t done our way. Especially when those things aren’t done in the split second after we ask for them. We have become a sorry mess of a nation, and it saddens me to think of the world my children will grow up in. Not because someone was elected president over someone else, but because of the way the people of this nation have chosen to live and carry on with their lives.

We are no longer a nation united under one cause. We are no longer a nation that can stand indivisible. We are no longer a nation that cares about liberty and justice for all. We are a nation divided against itself, looking for the almighty “ME” in everything we do or say. And any nation  that looks to the individual rights of every person will quickly become so disheveled and torn apart, it will no longer have any foundations on which to stand. And any enemies we have created in this world will make quick work of destroying what little things we have left to hold onto. In the words of one of our greatest presidents, who took the words from the very God whose principles and morals and Word were the very foundation of this nation, “a house divided against itself cannot stand.” We are in a dangerous place, America, and unless we start waking up to our troubles soon, we may end up in a place far worse than we can ever imagine with no way to get back to where we were.

A place where you no longer have the freedom to speak about what you want. No longer have the freedom to work where you want. No longer have the right to vote for the leader of your country, or anything pertaining to your country, city, or state. Things may not have gone your way in the election, but just remember how blessed you are to be able to have the choices and freedoms we have in this nation.

Don’t take your freedoms and liberties for granted. And don’t abuse your access to those freedoms. We have no rights. All of us were simply born luckier than others. And those who weren’t born here work hard to get here and stay here. These “rights” are things that have been given to us by the leaders of our nation as our nation has grown over the 2 centuries we have been around. Such precious gifts, I would not be so hasty to destroy.


The Storm is Still Raging-Reflections from the Tidal Wave

It sucks to be caught in the middle of the storm. It sucks even more when the storm continues to grow bigger and bigger and you can no longer see the ground beneath you or any of the sights that were once familiar and comfortable. All you see is water and wind for miles and miles and miles….


How did I get here? Which way up? When did it even start raining?

Life isn’t always calm nor is it full of sunshine and roses. Sometimes we experience little sprinkling of rain here and there and rarely see a truly turbulent storm. Other times what starts out as a sprinkling of rain becomes a pelting of drops that become bigger and harder and faster. Pretty soon the troubles of life begin to flood in all around you and before you know it, you are swept under by the tidal waves raging all around you. The water is rushing and moving so fast now that no matter how hard and long you fight to stay on the surface, the current keeps pulling you under and spinning you around until you no longer which way is up and which way is down.


A lot of us experience these storms in life but we often bury these storms deep inside. We paint a picture of a calm and smooth sailing surface when underneath we are fighting the hurricanes and monsoons and tidal waves that never seem to let up. But no matter how deep down the storm is, or how well we think we’ve got it covered, it will almost always make it’s way to the surface.

In a sense it’s funny and ridiculous that we feel we have to keep a perfect appearance on the outside because no one is perfect. Sometimes I wonder why we put such ridiculous expectations on each other. God sees us and accepts us as broken, imperfect people that need a lot of work and help. He, a perfect God who should demand perfection, shows endless compassion on wretched souls and wants to help us on our journey. We as humans put such high and unrealistic expectations on ourselves and each other that it’s no wonder people never want to tell others what they truly feel.

I of all people struggle with allowing other to see the real me. I struggle with how others perceive me and hope to God that no one sees how broken and messed up I am. I dread the thought of appearing weak or incapable of doing something. If I had my choice, I would keep my messy life locked away in a closet and make sure no one would ever be able to discover its contents.

It’s unpleasant to be messy, but maybe God has called us to be messy once in a while. Maybe He has asked us to take down the masks we all put up and be real with each other. The next time you attend church or interact with fellow believers, think about the words of the song by Casting Crowns “Stained Glass Masquerade”
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